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But instead of healing in a healthy way, I decided to heal my broken heart by seeking more attention. I forced myself to date people who were never a good fit in the first place, because “I just wanted to be happy.” However, it made me feel the exact opposite. I have loved Him and failed Him ever since that day, but He still loves me endlessly.
I often went home crying, depressed and broken after a night out. I was a wretched mess who couldn’t stand on my own two feet without fake love and empty affection. If I’m honest, my surrender to Him was initially more of a moment of “nothing else is working, so I might as well try this.” But God is good and gave grace despite my selfishness. And little did I know, He was drastically changing my future the moment that He led me to buy that ring. I was so ready and excited to destroy the life that made me feel undeserving and shameful and turn it into a distant memory.
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I jumped from relationship to relationship because I was insecure and dependent.